Self-awareness syndrome | new news

If there is one thing that is both boon and bane of my existence, it is that I am incredibly, stupendously self-aware but also incredibly, stupendously impotent to fix it, and not for lack of trying mind you.

And honestly, real talk: everyone who says "all it takes to fix it is discipline" can go fuck themselves over. If it were that easy to create and maintain that discipline, I would have already fixed it. If life didn't always like screwing even the most disciplined of people, then I would have already fixed it.


~~~~~~~~

In other news, my new steady job as a writer/editor for an online travel magazine -- completely at the other side of the communications fence -- is the most fun I have had working in a long time.

I just wish I could work from home instead of going to an office, but hey, at least someone is doing my accounting and computing my tax returns because I still don't get how this godforsaken Philippine government does it (they make sure you as the payer gets screwed over).

If you're looking for me, I'm Jocelyn on www.traveldailymedia.com. Please watch out for uncut/uncensored/alternate versions of my Travel Daily articles on this blog. ^.~v

I regress while life pushes forward.

Hello everyone.

Life has been, well, life.  I admit, I feel a lot like being a punching bag for circumstances or even fate. I have began hating the career I once loved. The interests I used to have have changed considerably; many of them I have done away with altogether. My parents have gone older and greyer almost overnight, and I made enemies out of many friends. And there are at least 3 months I would do anything to remove from the timeline of my life.

My perspectives about social justice has changed ever since things happened last year. I can now uniquely say that I have reached the unenviable position of being in both sides of the Philippine criminal justice system. The event continues to affect us. I hope we achieve what we need, but to be honest I am not holding my breath given my experience.

It is now my dream to die young, so that I am not stubborn, set in my ways, and cursed to outlive this forsaken planet.

I would like to say it's the depression talking (I was finally diagnosed early this year), but it's really, truly not. 

Parasocial Relationships: A Psychological Study of Fandom

If in case it isn't obvious yet, I am a very serious person who is also serious about fandom. This is an impressive discourse by an academician, specifically a psychologist, about the relationships and idiosyncrasies inherent to communities built around both popular and obscure contemporary culture. I wish I could recall who sent me the link though...!

http://pop-music-research.blogspot.co.uk/2014/04/parasocial-relationships-interview-with.html

Also, I may be more active in the prettiness of Tumblr lately. Whoops.=_=0

An unpopular opinion regarding the Gamer Totoy discussion of sexual favours granted by cosplayers

I don't think I should link to it anymore, and I tried to stay away from this issue, but as I've gone in and out of the cosplay scene I have also grown sick and tired of the crazy double standard -- let's face it, most humans of the XY chromosome in cosplay fandom WILL post photos of scantily clad girls who haven't even met these fappers. And then there really is no way I can keep my opinion to myself, considering that I have a (younger) sister who is both internet-famous and FHM famous, even more than the cosplayer said to be peddling sexual favours has become (though definitely not to Alodia, Tuxedo Team, Kipi -- my age is showing, Dani, or Yaya levels).

Allow me to share my opinion, unpopular though it may be: for me, if the cosplayer is selling sexual favours because she has legitimate issues with money, if she needs to support herself through more than just the next costume (or 3, or 5), then I won't get in her case. Doubly so if she doesn't say or do anything to contradict herself and her actions, because in that case I still would have more respect for her than, say, Jerry Polence, who said she would be a nun but didn't follow through with that AND had terribly unholy behaviour in so many ways to boot. (Irony of ironies, said sister is a friend of Polence. It's a surprise to some people that I'm civil around this particular fellow ex-cosplayer.)

Plus to all the men here who are reading this, and even the women too, I'm going to quote what my BFF in the Philippine cosplay scene has said: if you condemn the girl for what she does, but then post pictures on your own Facebook of scantily naked female cosplayers / Korean actresses we all know would never give you the time of day anyway, then that makes you a hypocrite. (We know who most of you are. We see your Facebook feeds, Tumblr accounts, Twitter handles, your blogs, your social media networks and even your private posts. Even you Gamer Totoy. :D) You have no right to objectify females yourself and then complain / mock a girl who at least uses her OWN body for it, and not someone else's. So honestly, to all the male posters here, stop being dickwads with your holier-than-thou attitudes since you're all going to kiss and tell whether or not she or any girl bangs you, anyway. (I suspect this double standard actually persists because many of you were rejected by her, or others like her, and if not that you simply weren't able to afford her services.)

Finally, if it is proven that indeed she IS doing it just to get herself a shiny coming-of-age party, well, she is indeed sadly horribly misled by her priorities in life. Not to say that her need isn't valid, but in the greater scheme of things, having a fun, grand debutante party can still be done for a cheaper budget through better planning. I mean, come on, just take a look at Jeane Napoles' Blogger account and debut post-party video -- she had SO MUCH MONEY to burn (all taken from decent hardworking taxpayers like myself, by the way) and still came up with a party that's nowhere as cool given the materials, equipment and personnel she had at her disposal. She tried to have a party like Tony Stark from IRON MAN 2 but the video alone shows it's not quite as happening as her spin doctors and video editors try to make it look. .

Oh, in case you're looking for me, this is crossposted on my:

• Tumblr (I caved)
• Livejournal

Fina-fricking-ly, yes, I acknowledge I am turning into the queen of unpopular opinion, but that also means flames will be doused with water after being used to cook delicious spam and eggs.

That's all, thanks. ^.~v

Better safe than sorry!

You just KNOW I'm going to repost things like this.

♥ Self Defense ♥ by Mewkeirin

The 11 top-ranking models of Popteen: Nana Suzuki / The self-esteem of a bonafide gal

As some of you already know, I'm a subscriber of the gyaru lifestyle, which endorses coloured (usually lightened) and very well-styled hair, sexy-cute make-up especially focused on the eyes, skin-baring clothing styles, insanely high heels, equally insane nail art, and an over-all image of being nouveau riche to the point of being garish about it. I find that it compliments my desire to enjoy being a grown-up, and it reinforces my positive nature because its focus is on having fun. :P

However, one of the terrible things about it is, as most Japanese fashion styles are, it's got a clique-ish vibe among purveyors and enthusiasts, and these cliques are vicious. You need to look a certain image, to play a certain role, and of course Japan being Japan, even in fashion "the nail that sticks out gets hammered down." It's essentially being stuck forever in high school -- definitely not the most fun of moments.. In fact, this video from leading Japanese gyaru magazine Popteen illustrates exactly what goes on.

The video starts with some "what's in my bag" stuff, and then it displays make-up from gyaru models like Hekiru Shiina; this part is actually a continuation of a previous video, part of a full show. Then Miku Akiyama, Mari Murata, Miki Kawanishi, Rui Kotobuki and Nana Suzuki are introduced, with their outfits of the day scrutinised. The five then play some form of timed getting-to-know-you/trivia/Q&A game using the iPhone.

Poor Nana gets a dare: she has to prove she's attractive even without full gyaru make-up -- an idea which is unthinkable for a young, up-and-coming model like her. Because again, like I said, gyaru is about using make-up to radiate a sexy-cute image, basically the game is making her remove all those layers she can hide in. Now when you get to see her sans make-up (or most of it, anyway) on 8:50 at the video, she actually looks cuter than Tsubasa Masuwaka, who has been seen with the most minimal of make-up recently, and whose eyebags are just HUGE (she looks like my college classmate Be, funnily enough, but still, those eyebags are GINORMOUS to the point of being scary). Nana has the benefit of youth (Tsubasa is just a year younger than I am, and I'm pushing 30 very soon), so even if gyaru is all about looking young and fresh while still having a touch of sexy charisma, she still looks very pleasant in her "plain" face. As the puppet that looks like a monkey at the bottom-right side of the screen says, she radiates "moe". When used in this context, it means that while Nana's not breathtakingly beautiful or even conventionally lovely, she's definitely cute enough to turn a good number of heads. But still, you don't need a translator to know that she's feeling apprehensive about having to reveal how she looks like under those false lashes and all that foundation, what with all that nervous giggling.

While I find it strange that these Japanese fashionistas are not vain enough to resort to facial surgery (apparently surgery is still more acceptable in Korea, where presenting your "best face" or ulzzang style is an absolute must), they are still vain enough to contour their faces and use various make-up tricks to achieve the desirable cute-sexy look. They also consider other equally invasive techniques, such as the use of circle contact and false eyelashes to fake the facial structure of dolls. This is a sobering reminder for me that the only way I can step my glamour game up is to spend time meticulously putting on make-up and styling my hair. Honestly, that's a lot of work and a lot of time! If basic make-up for the office takes me 30 minutes to an hour, gyaru make-up takes at least 2 hours especially because of the difficulty in applying false eyelashes. And with the humidity of this country rendering most hairstyles useless, you need a lot of spray product to keep every curl, wave or strand in place for a few hours.

I feel so bad that a rising star among models like Nana Suzuki feels terrible about herself and her looks. That doesn't bode well for followers of gyaru style, or for followers of her and models like her at large, because if a model like her hates how she looks then who else would like her for herself? Unfortunately, it seems like a fact of life that won't change anytime soon.

Seducing people and dressing hot can be mutually exclusive. Religion can be humanist.

So my great fantabulous friend Nissie posted a fabulous, well-written argument about how women have always and continue to receive much less benefits than the men.

It shames me to say that my religion (which I have picked out because it has helped me cope immensely with the events of my life) is conservative to the point that it has dictated how women should act, dress, speak, walk, eat, think and even sleep -- short version: in such a way that men are not tempted.

Well, excuse me, but while I am Catholic and I enjoy kicking ass (especially krav maga), if anyone bothers to tell me at all how to be a "respectable" woman, then I will definitely hit you at the balls or at the gut, whichever part of you hurts the most faster and better. And if I can't do that immediately for any reason, then make no mistake, I am definitely biding my time thinking about it before I finally find the chance to do it. 

I am a woman who wishes she can still let loose dancing at the clubs, who enjoys dressing up in a sexy-cute way, who likes ribald jokes and who feels most at home swearing like a sailor. That does not mean I wish to be raped, enjoy being felt up by people whose hands are best kept to themselves, or like being the subject of adjectives alluding to my (non-existent) breasts, (fairly shapely) bum or (absurdly long) legs. 

The Jesus I know loved (and still loves) His mother immensely, stood up for and spoke to women of all sorts of leanings, and had many female friendships (a part of me will always root for Him to have been at the very least in a romantic understanding with Saint Mary Magdalene). He sacrificed His life for all humanity, never once taking into consideration how we act, dress, speak, walk, eat, think, sleep and believe, because He could have chosen to save only a few but instead made sure to save as many as He possibly could with that one act. Sure He knows every single detail about every single creature in this earth, but He is revered exactly because He will always prioritize the positive actions I would have contributed towards making life better for the people (and living things) who are around me. So even if He were to walk among us right now and blush at my current body-con dress and stacked stiletto platform heels, I'd like to think He will just smile, nod, and let me carry on.  

  

The 3rd Birthday.♡☆☺

It has been a year.

So in the course of 12 months, 52 weeks, and 365 days, I have kept myself busy with work and with life.

I've earned some new clients, and held on tightly to old ones. I have had two assistants assigned solely to me, which has taken a bit of getting used to since I'm hardly mentor material, but I think this has helped boost my productivity.

I have witness my older sister getting married, as well as three of my closest friends; while others have gotten engaged and gotten together. (There are those who regrettably are no longer together, which makes for awkwardness, but I will figure it out.)

In these past 52 weeks, I have gotten back in touch with old friends (the ICTUSians and some college blockmates), and I have made some exceptional new ones (the Hiddlestoners, the Yuppie Days With The Lord community).

I obviously have gone for broke in many ways, but where my finances have suffered (OUCH), my life and even my work have been enriched.

I went through a severe crisis of faith. Both my faith and I have survived it. 

I have never tried so much great new food in my life!

I have taken self-defense lessons and continue to get back into shape. I have gone through most of my triggers (I was in EDSA on Christmas Day 2011; mid-June 2012 was memorable, because being surprise-shunted into the Quezon City Post Office rendered me a barely-functioning depressant till the end of July; and today I'm off to Eastwood, taking the route I was held up on to get to the destination I would never reach this night last year). I have actively worked for and confronted a number of my attackers, and even if they eventually posted bail, I am no longer afraid of them.

And most of all, while the incident has reduced my capacity to become creative (I hate it that trauma does these things to me), it has not yet succeeded in reducing my will to live and fight.

I like to think I'm winning.☺☆♡

* Most photos on Facebook; fashion and cosplay shoots on Lookbook, Chicisimo.

For A Religious Country Known For Its "Goodness", Our Inability To Pursue Social Justice Is Inexcusable (edit)

So, apparently here we go again: Yahoo! Philippines News: Cabbie arrested for passenger heist; victim says robbers molested her.

I've tried to get in touch with the victim here, but she won't talk to me. Which makes me sad, because her story is also all over the news, just like mine was in that day.

And now, there is this new development:  InterAksyon: GET OUT OF JAIL FREE: Senate OKs bill allowing indigents to post bail without paying fees.

On one hand, I am still very sympathetic towards people who are still stuck in the dredges of society. But I am finding myself increasingly frustrated with how many of them will resort to violent, hurtful means to bring themselves up, and with many of them having an excellent source of protection (FROM THE VERY AUTHORITIES THAT HAVE BEEN APPOINTED TO SAFEGUARD CITIZEN'S RIGHTS, NO LESS). Like a good friend said, "lahat tayo naghihirap, lumaban naman sana sila nang patas (we are all facing hardships, can't they fight fairly?)."

Hmm, this blog is becoming a huge pursuit for social justice. Ah, well.

Hello Kitty Crazy Sales Coming Soon!

I've got AWESOME news for all Hello Kitty fans (like me XD)!!!
I believe a lot of you girls (and guys) searching around for Hello Kitty items that aren't available in our country for a really long time…
And today… finally… Hello Kitty World Wide is here with FREE WORLDWIDE SHIPPING!!!
They are on soft opening right now and as a special pre-launch offer, you can have a US$5 cash voucher and bonuses like the Cute 3D Hello Kitty Model at zero cost.
If you don’t believe me check it out for yourself here, while it’s still available:
==> http://www.hellokittyworldwide.com
This special soft opening offer is valid only till the launch day, after which it may be taken off completely. So stop reading this, and go to the Hello Kitty World Wide website and claim all the bonuses right now:
==> http://www.hellokittyworldwide.com
If you’re reading this blog post too late, then you may have missed it. I DID say it’s a limited offer. 

Claim This Bonus!

* This post is sponsored.

Awesome giveaway by MyKissEnMakeUp!

I need to feed my obsession with nail art and I would love to pamper myself to the ultimate spa treatment at a hotel I love. So, please indulge me here. :3

 
Come on, she's giving away brush sets and nail art kits by Suesh, falsies by Urban Decay, AND (dealmaker here) SEVEN (7) gift cheques for the prestigious Zen Institute!
Please help me win this by clicking on the banner above. XD

Express Memorare Novena to the Blessed Virgin Mary

Figured that nothing would be lost if I posted this, so...

Express Memorare Novena to the Blessed Virgin Mary

* Memorare must be recited nine (9) times in a row.

* Make the sign of the cross at every recitation.

* Mention your petition and recite the "Hail Mary" prayer at the end of each recited Memorare.

* Reprinting MUST be made immediately as the petition(s) is (are) answered.

Memorare: Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help and sought your intercession, was left unaided. Inspired by this confidence, I hasten you, O Virgins of Virgins, my Mother. To you I come, before you I stand sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the world Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy hear and answer me.

(Special thanks to Eloisza for this one! )

Addendum to my previous entry, or the gal who tries to reclaim her life

Days after I was able to post this, we caught one of the four men who held me up.

His name is Pablito Manatad. He was supposed to be driving TYL 409 on 22 Dec but he was Badong/Man #1. He's from the Visayas but lives in Quezon City.

He is muscular and heavy-set but has a big gut. He also has a rose tattoo on his left shoulder/arm, and is apparently part of the mostly-Visayan Scorpion Gang that has connections all the way to Cavite.

He was caught because the taxi cab was caught for a traffic violation. The impounding police called us when they realised that the cab was the hold-up cab that they had had an alert released for. The drivers were asked to be there while the owner had to verify if it was a double plate since it was caught when the original was at the garage.

However, the others are still out there even if he has spilled their whereabouts. Please pray and share information about this unceasingly so that more people can defend themselves and even turn these crooks in. And please pray for myself and those of us who have chosen to fight back -- I am learning as early as now that it's a hard, long, lonely, tiring, uphill and costly battle, but if we want to change the system and empower others like ourselves, we will have to do what must be done.

Thank you very much.

Hold-up incident report (or, the gal who lived) [UPDATED WITH PHOTOS!]

I wish this were untrue, and I wish I could undo this, but it needs to be shared. 

At around 7:00 pm I withdrew money from Security Bank Annapolis GH branch, near my office. At 7:30-ish pm, I was hailing a cab. I only remember the cab being a beat-up white four-door sedan car with plate number TYL 409.

I can't recall who the driver was at the time and the name of the cab as written on the cab body outside sadly. I do now recall the locks were faulty, that the front windshield had the "cleanfuel" sticker (signifying it's using LPG gas power instead of gasoline), and black rubber at the back windows. The seats were all black leather and had the taxi information, which should be printed legibly, all blurry/erased. 

We made the turn from Annapolis, to EDSA, and then the U-turn under Ortigas flyover. We entered corner to White Plains, at Temple Drive, past People Power Monument. At a vacant lot nearby (before Meralco), and ironically while I was in the middle of texting my family my whereabouts, four men came in and they kicked him out of the cab.

A short description of the four (images here):

• Man 1 (guy by my right, "Badong"): Crew cut, chiseled face, somewhat pointy chin, small eyes, muscular build but slightly big stomach, with stubble, dark-skinned
• Man 2 (guy by my left): Dark-skinned, round face, chubby cheeks, bulging eyes, no beard/moustache, short hair parted at the middle, wearing blue long-sleeved Adidas sweater with white stripes at shoulders and sleeves, had a baseball cap that looked a lot like the red Air Asia cap with white text, pudgy arms and legs
• Man 3/”Boss”: Square face, flat cheeks, moustached stereotypical bad guy minus the big beard, dark-skinned, far-set bulging eyes, light moustache, beard, wearing blue long-sleeved Adidas sweater with white stripes at shoulders and sleeves, parang may white shirt sa loob, with grey beanie hat, had tubo, gravelly voice, muscular arms, pudgy legs 
• Man 4/Driver ("Bobot"): White cap, white shirt, circular glasses, features remind me of Brod Pete (a local comedian), thin, dark-skinned

I heard someone say “pasensya na (I’m sorry)” but I don’t recall who it is. I do recall the perpetrators drove me around EDSA from Ortigas Avenue to Quezon City, as far as the U-turn right before SM North. They kept threatening to bring me to Bulacan and rape me especially when I initially refused to give them my belongings. They took my ATM cards (Security Bank, BPI Express Teller), my Metrobank credit card, my black BlackBerry Torch 9800 with black Otter protective case, my personal Nokia phones (one is a pink 6020, the other is a black 2700 Classic), my Sony Cyber-shot silver T-100 digital camera, and my black Sony Vaio laptop. After “Boss” made some calls via mobile (they were very clever at keeping the numbers hidden), the gang dropped “Boss” off at Cubao walkway underpass, EDSA southbound at around 9:00 pm so he could withdraw money. He came back and tried to strangle, punch, slap, throw shoes/slippers at me when he couldn't get my credit card PIN out of me (it's fairly new and I don't memorize the PIN at all). They took turns trying to beat me up at some point, except for Driver because he was driving. I fought back, and they told me they would rape me because I wouldn't give them enough money (they needed PhP20,000 and even used Typhoon Sendong as a reason to hold me up). At around 10:00 pm they turned into NIA Road near BIR/PDEA in QC, and threw me out the cab. When Boss tried to hit me with a pipe/tubo, I vaguely remember clawing and kicking back, taking whatever was left of my things, and ran. I found myself at the QC Post Office security guard house (at the gate), and made phone calls to the QC PD, my mother's office, and my best friend's house as those were the only numbers I could contact. 

With my family finally arriving around 11:30 pm to almost midnight, I went to the QC Police Department at Kamuning/EDSA. We waited for a graying-haired 40-ish cop in a white undershirt and police uniform pants named SPO4 Patricio Sanoza (Sanyosa)  to whom I gave my statement, which is attached. I told him about what I recall about the cab, but he did not ask at all  about identifying the criminals.

My SIMs have all been blocked/disabled, as have my ATM and credit cards. Unfortunately they have switched off all phones so I am not sure if they can be traced at this point.  They are able to trace the ATM withdrawal transactions at Metrobank Valencia Hills though. I am cooperating with QCPD in catching the perpetrators.

  

The following day, a friend gave this information about the cab that held me up: 

Plate Number: TYL 409 / E#: 2E-3254892 / C#: EE110-8009918 / MV#: 138000000225318 / Col: Freedom White / Sticker#: 2011122773755 / MVType: Car / TradeName: / Make: Toyota/ Series: COROLLA XL M/T / YRModel: 2001 / MVClass: FOR - HIRE / Org: MARVIN SANTOS.. / OR#: 000201111852482 / CR#: 000000005541645 / BType:sEDAN - 4-DOOR / FRegDate: 09-25-2001 / LRegDate: 09-30-2011 / Fuel: GAS / Route: MARIKINA ANY PT TO LUZON / Franchise#: 96-945 / FEDate: 12-31-2007 / Total Apps: 0 /Total Alarms: 0 / Customer ID CO1378000031312 / Add: 10 MAYSAN ST. VALENZUELA 

  

Separately, I dropped by the QCPD Kamuning once more to get the official, correct copy of the police report I originally filed. There I met a woman named Donna Araujo who was held up on Christmas Day from Main Avenue in Cubao and dropped off at Balete Drive which is very similar to what happened to me. I am trying to get her assistance as she saw the name of the car, which is made purely of consonant letters.

Please stay safe everyone. Hope your Christmas is better than mine. I've seen posts where people blame me for not being vigilant -- excuse me, but I was held up right in the middle of sending my parents an SMS where I was riding, the point here is not whether or not I should've been vigilant but that they still ambushed me anyway even after acting towards my own self-preservation! 


And to these motherfuckers who hurt me and others like me, I hope and pray you lose everything you hold dear -- every body part, every item, every person, every business, every bit of cash, and every generation of your beloved families and clans -- as befits the punishment you have long tried to avoid. 

Links:

• My original Facebook post on this subject = https://www.facebook.com/ligayaharuka/posts/10150479183713815
• The ABS-CBN/Bandila news clip (December 23; easily viewed outside the Philippines via The Filipino Channel) = http://www.abs-cbnnews.com/video/nation/metro-manila/12/23/11/cops-warn-modus-during-holidays
• The ABS-CBN text version of the same news (December 23) = http://www.abs-cbnnews.com/nation/metro-manila/12/23/11/woman-attacked-robbed-inside-taxi
• NEW: I finally managed to scan the cartographic sketches I had asked a key contact (who must remain anonymous until this case is solved, I owe this man and the people who got me to him greatly as I cannot achieve this drawing style myself) make. Here they are: man 1, man 2, man 3 (minus the beanie, which I tried to describe and even draw but somehow didn't make it to the sketch), and man 4.

Because I'm a little desperate to finish a long-delayed set of reports...

From http://stjudenovena.org/:

O most holy apostle, St. Jude, faithful servant and friend of Jesus, people honor and invoke you universally, as the patron of hopeless cases, of things almost despaired of. Pray for me, for I am so helpless and alone. Please help to bring me visible and speedy assistance. Come to my assistance in this great need that I may receive the consolation and help of heaven in all my necessities, tribulations, and sufferings, particularly (the request being prayed for) and that I may praise God with you always.

I promise, O blessed St. Jude, to be ever mindful of this great favor, to always honor you as my special and powerful patron, and to gratefully encourage devotion to you by publishing this request. Amen.

May the Sacred Heart of Jesus be Adored, Glorified, Loved & Preserved throughout the world, now & forever. Sacred Heart of Jesus, please pray for me. Saint Jude, Worker of Miracles, please pray for me. Saint Jude, Helper of the Hopeless, please pray for me. Amen.

...PLEASE let the disk check finish up in less than an hour. I really need the time to finish my reports. T~T

Schadenfreude? XD

I love this time of the year because it's the one time I see my mum dressed up in costume and be completely out of her element.

As I cannot post the costume photo yet (because Christmas presentations in their office are apparently VERY serious business), allow me to share our dialogue a few minutes ago instead:

Mum (wailing as she points to herself and her above-the-knee costume): Anak, ang iksi pala nito (this is so short)!
Me (snickering): E di ba noong ka-edad n'yo ako nagsusuot kayo nang ganyan? (But didn't you use to wear outfits like that when you were my age?) X3
Mum (fuming): Hindi na kita ka-edad ngayon ano! (You know I'm no longer your age anymore!) DX

...Thanks for giving me a sneak preview of my life after 25 years, I love you Mum. ♥♥♥ XDDDDDDDDDDDDDD ♥♥♥

Oplan Kaligayahan: Ang Bisa ng Pagyakap

I'm sorry, blog, I know I've been neglecting you, but all the other things I planned to write about will have to wait because of this.

Because I have committed myself to being a force of positive, happy energy (which is doubly difficult because of my name and because of the situations I somehow manage to find myself in), I made a lifelong choice to become like Buddha and to listen to the cries of the world when the world refuses to hear them. While I realise that this has made other people feel much better, they do make me feel worse, especially because many of them as of late hit so close to home. And, of course, Buddha didn't exactly seem to bother to preach about handling your own problems either (I've re-read his teachings so many times in my young life, maybe I'm missing those verses?), so it's enough to say that I'm plodding through my own troubles.

I've tried several attempts to soothe my soul. I've returned to breakfasts with the BCBP; I've bought and overdosed on camomile and jasmine tea (and infusions thereof); I've even brought a miniature Zen garden to the office. Today, after slinging these problems on my shoulder and trying to focus on work, I prepared to exchange packages with a friend I hadn't seen in months. The exchange was meant to take only a few minutes, as I had a report to rush and I was suffering from cramps due to the arrival of my monthly visitor.

Our items (a keychain from her and a letter opener from me) changed hands but right before I left, I gave her a HUG. It was quite unexpected, even for a spontaneous person like me, because what I really wanted to do was to say that I knew she'd having a tough go of it of late, and that I was feeling the same way too. But then again I couldn't think of any words to tell her (each person has her cross to bear, after all), and there really wasn't enough time to say them.

Strangely, although I was the one that gave it, that one hug has turned my day around. My body began to feel less tightly wound, and the cramping seriously decreased, which is rare because when I have my period it is a serious effort to even get out of bed. The printer eventually broke down so the report is unfortunately three days late due to the weekend, but amazingly my boss just let me finish printing it on Monday. I was able to get my mum to agree on meeting my cousin from my dad's side as she's in town, which is normally difficult because anything that has to do with my dad is a thorny problem on her side. And, of course, I found out that my friend was able to get by today because of that hug.

I heard from one of my classmates in high school that hugs have been scientifically proven to be therapeutic, but now I can see that random, genuine hugs have an incredible amount of power. Hugs are able to convey so many things that words cannot: I miss you, it is great to see you again, thank you, I understand.

(As for the other types of hugs that say, "Hey, I really like touching you," well, let's not discuss those types of hugs today. :P)

I believe hugs are magical and some of them can burst out with so much magic and positivity you just want to give a few out because it can't be contained. Hugs are easy and healing. I wish I had thought of this easy feel-good solution sooner.

HUGS!!! ♥♥♥











* This post is a direct response to Milk.Blood.Ink's Hug Therapy. You always have my back, and my hugs. ^.~v

Helping hands, getting ready, and best birthday wishes

Hi all! I'm so terribly sorry I've been gone a long, long WHILE. AGAIN. DX Life has been kind to me and my appetite and wallet but unfortunately for our folk in the Egypt, Bahrain, Libya, Syria, New Zealand, Japan and Myanmar, it's not been the same. The political situations in Egypt, Bahrain, Libya and Syria have kept me riveted, but the effect is that of a terrible plane wreck - you don't like it but you can't keep your eyes away. I was worried sick when I'd heard about the Christchurch earthquake because many friends, like my collage blockmate Kenken, are there. Then I heard about the double whammy that hit Japan, the font of kawaii, kitsch and quirkiness, while I was away in Singapore for a mixed business/pleasure trip almost 2 weeks ago (has it really been that long?). And now, it's Myanmar - not a land quickly taken to earthquakes since it's not so close to the Ring Of Fire territory that Japan, NZ and the Philippines are smack in the middle of, but its government is so rough and many of the people there seem to be worse off than they are here in my country. It's distressing how natural calamities keep piling up, one after another; it's no wonder that when two quakes hit the Romblon-Mindoro area in the past seven days, people here in the Luzon group of islands were justifiably rattled.

Right now I am very happy that my loved ones and I are all safe and sound, though of course everyone here has the thought "But for how long?" lingering at the back of our minds. In between the Philippine government's incompetence over repatriating Filipinos working and studying in both the calamity-stricken and politically-tense parts of the world, we have also taken it upon ourselves to help out, mostly through the aid of international organisations. The response to help has been awesome, though part of me thinks that it's the Filipino nature to help even when he/she has little else left to give anyhow; in any case, I am pleased as punch because many of my friends in local cosplay and fandom front have set aside grudges for a common, worthy cause. The Philippine Red Cross in particular has opened up a page urging for relief aid and volunteers to help their Japanese counterparts; though I've not had the time to help, I've given them a good amount of my salary - my intended birthday spend - this month in the hopes that someone would smile a bit on my special day (Cosplay.Ph and Tamashii Con helped them out quite a bit too). I am still trying to find ways and means to help out.

Here are my birthday wishes, because it's that time of the year again when I hope and pray these things come true. ♥♥♥

• For the weather and the earth to simply not give everyone a bad day on my birthday week. That earthquake-tsunami combo that hit Japan did not leave me amused. --> This worked, yay!
• To have dinner with Anna F, Eia, other friends in high school, all my friends in ICTUS and all of Broad Comm 2002 again (preferably not all at the same time though). XD
• For Banco Filipino to reopen because a good portion of my savings are in it (yes I'm looking at you, Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas Governor Amado Tetangco and everyone in both BSP and the Philippine Deposit Insurance Company because the lot of you are money-grubbing motherfuckers).
• See my boyfriend this year in the USA, unchallenged.
• To cosplay again with friends!
• To have fun with Cosplay.ph friends again, not necessarily in cosplay-related schemes.
• To go out of town - beyond Tagaytay but preferably within the country please.
• To see my older sister again. 

I forgot to add this last one durrhurrhurr: To earn more monies at work (because taking jobs on the side is going to kill me, I am so exhausted from work these days with events happening weekly and almost daily in the weeks past).

Have a great weekend everyone!

Where have all the rockers gone? NU 107.5, home of nu rock, signs off

In the next 55 minutes, NU 107.5, The Home Of Nu Rock, signs off.

While I can't completely say I'm a full-fledged Filipino rocker, I was weaned on the legendary 1990s bands Eraserheads, Rivermaya and True Faith. Then there were other bands and groups like Parokya ni Edgar, Color It Red, Slapshock, Itchyworms, Dicta License, Stonefree and Sugarfree. As I grew older, and especially from between high school and college, I began my bit of band chasing in. I attended at least 1 day of UP Fair (where I got to see Spongecola, Kjwan, Sugarfree, Chico Sci, Narda, Ang Bandang Shirley, Up Dharma Down and Sandwich live among so many others) without fail, never mind if I had thesis/production the next day and I took the daily trip of Makati-Diliman-Makati which consisted of at least 2 jeepney rides and 1 train ride, or 1 bus ride if I was lucky to find myself on EDSA after 2:00 am which was the time I normally left the UP Fair. (At around the same time, my cousin from the Cortez side founded the UP Los Banos band Valley Of Chrome. Later on my sister dated one of the guitarists from Chico Sci and someone else from Sandwich while appearing on their Sunscreen video, but that's another story.) I got to know the Grounders for a bit, then sided with the Sugarfree bandchasers thanks to mai gar waifu Ceejay. Being in UP College of Mass Comm, I discovered Asin and Sampaguita and Pepe Smith and The Dawn and all these great rock bands I didn't even know existed. In between transcribing interviews and dissecting teleserye (Filipino soap opera) music, NU 107 gave me the necessary kick to keep plodding through my thesis when coffee threatened to land me in the hospital. As a working girl, NU107 got me through the day and from watching them shyly back when I was in MME slaving for the Red Horse Muziklaban account (which would've been fun if not for the SMC people not taking proper care of their agencies - but that's another story for another day), I finally graduated to now working with them through my current agency to promote True Blood, The Pacific and most recently Spartacus: Blood And Sand for HBO Asia, and even helped get one of our electronics clients to sponsor the 2009 NU Rock Awards. And finally, during the most trying of times - meaning, moments of extremely back-breaking work and terrible personal circumstances - what other station would be on my side than the one with the rocking guitars and rolling drums which "rocked the nation"?

Who's to say that NU 107 and its legacy are not a part of my life? And so I feel I must thank NU, as it makes its exit with a bang and with grace. Allow me to swear a bit - isang malutong na putang ina dahil hindi ako nakatulong, at dahil na rin walang nagawa (walang ginawa?) yung mga institusyong itinaguyod ng NU noong malakas pa sila sa panahong ito. While Urbandub (admittedly not one of my favourites) and Sugarfree (bless their souls ♥ ) were on board and legendary The Dawn bassist/NU DJ Francis Brew Reyes made his very epic parting speech, I can't wrap my head over the fact that many of the 1990s and 2000s bands I knew and love that are still alive and kicking seem to be not part of the vigil, as far as I've heard from the grapevine and seen from the Tweetvine.

But like that epic saying goes, "Rock's not dead." Especially Pinoy Rock, which NU had a heavy hand in shaping and promoting. It's really sad that advertising just pulled out of the station and even sadder that many bands that found their audience and home in NU aren't even there. I will feel endless guilt that I was unable to help keep them alive, the station whom I owe a significant part of my unusual music taste and even my very motivation for living to (at one point in time), but I hope I can help commit their memory to mind and heart in this small way.

As I finish, livestreaming is up on http://www.ustream.tv/channel-popup/nu107fm. Sir Cris Hermosisima - DJ Cris Cruise - is on board with Quark Henares, soon-to-be-former-owner. Major Tom's voice has just left the airwaves, and my favourite NU DJ Jay "the gay best friend" Santiago is speaking. Maraming salamat, NU 107.5, at hanggang sa muli. ♥♥♥ ♥♥♥

Live simultaneous streaming of the 2009 Rock Awards. I hope we can see NU broadcast or podcast online! ♥♥♥♥

Oplan Kaligayahan: Costume Play Mania (part 1 of ?)

Hi all,

Partly inspired by this post by Shmuberry, and because in a few hours one of the events I helped pioneer is about to begin, please allow me to indulge myself.

Today is the first of two days of Cosplay Mania X. This year is extra special not only because of the two-day event, but moreover because it commemorates ten years of cosplay in the Philippines.

Now why is it so important to me? And how does it play into Oplan Kaligayahan?

Well, back in the year 2000, I was one of the first cosplayers in the Philippines. Let me digress for a bit: I was originally slated to cosplay in the 1999 San Diego Comic Con, but I had to return to my country the day right before, so I consider my debut in the year 2000. Of course your mileage may vary - those from the defunct gang Anime@Arki would profess they began cosplaying back in 2009, but then it's admittedly true that only the group's members know about the Animersion event at all because it was essentially a meet-up/get-together where everyone happened to be in costume. What happened during AnimeXplosion 2000 was definitely on a more massive scale, and thus the year 2000 is the one more widely acknowledged as the start of costume play in the Philippines.