Discernment is a foreign space

Hi again, everyone! I'm going to put myself out there since this has been one of the biggest obstacles to my trying to find a new job here in a fairly new country.

I've always been a bit of a rebel in constant search of a cause, powered by the motto of "Work where you can do the most good." It's why I honed my writing skills and went into communications back when I lived outside of the USA. That said, some events in the last 10 years have spurred me to seriously reconsider the professional work I've done for commercial ventures. I have been trying to evaluate what my current skill sets and interests are, to see where and how I can provide assistance to people using these same skill sets and interests moving forward. However, up until now I have no real answers.

Here are my current roadblocks:

1. I've had the unenviable position of knowing many intricacies of the Philippine criminal system the hard way. I learned a year ago that one of the men who hijacked the taxicab I was riding in December 2011 and attacked me became the Philippine Chief of Police in 2020 despite all the controversies surrounding him and his ascent, and this after I was encouraged to falsely accuse other people of the crime back in 2012. Then, my sister was arrested in 2016 due to the fraudulent War on Drugs (she was fortunately finally released in 2021); as she was a celebrity then, it made working as a marketing communications professional, and a crisis communications professional at that, impossible, to the point that large-scale clients refused to work with me by association. If you're of Asian descent, you know how any damage to personal reputation in a collectivist community or society is difficult to recover from; now imagine this at a national and even global level (Google has all the details).
2. I then moved to the USA in 2019 hoping for a new start. My US citizen spouse and I were misinformed about the conditions to work as a migrant/resident, and I was having so many issues with SSA over my identity. When I finally managed to get a green card, the pandemic happened. It was slow going but I caved and took up a customer service representative job in late 2020.  
3. All my interests are at odds with what I feel I should be doing and where I am physically located. I am highly engaged in fandom spaces. To my dismay, I have found that besides political literacy and trying to understand discriminatory systems that hurt the Common Good (all the better to try and dismantle them), the rest of my interests are all just media consumption or fandom. (Granted, one of these fandoms has helped me make sense of the last five-to-six years of hell under Duterte.)
4. I fancy myself a creator, and yet I have almost completely stopped creative work ever since 2019. I haven't written any new material of significance, these blog posts are coming so sporadically. I have at least done some social media management work on the side, but it's still just transforming other people's work into digestible tidbits at best. I hardly even contribute during brainstorming activities! 

A part of me wants to continue with either professional writing, account management and marketing communications work in a commercial capacity, but I've never been a self-starter when it comes to finding clients and I also have never been the best at planning things. If I wish to engage in the work of societal reform that I am feeling called to do, I have to be ready not just to earn a low amount of income, but to literally lay my life on the line. In fact, just posting this in public is already unsafe for me since I've been the target of doxxing and stalking at least twice on certain social media networks. 

I told myself once that I wanted to be successful as a publicist in Hollywood. While this godforsaken pandemic and equally godforsaken ineffective governments have thrown a wrench into this plan, I will admit that I am paralyzed via analysis into indecision. 

Have I become an immature womanchild? Have I run out of ideas and thoughts? Or am I just full of other people's ideas and thoughts? Have I refused to expend and imbibe creative energy? Do I just need to enter a different field together where I will not be prominent and have peace of mind? 

I'm beside myself because I want to be somewhere I can grow but also help others grow with me, and not stuck in this call center job where I get yelled at by people. Not even consulting a therapist has helped. 

I'm not looking for comfort, but I am very unnerved by this and I am very ashamed of myself. If you were in my situation, what would you do?